Lukus Alderman
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<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f6/Gravity_Poster.jpg">
Gravity.
If we're being technical here, maybe it really should be called "Zero-Gravity"?
I would call it "Disaster In Space".
*****Let me warn you now: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!*****
Now that I've warned you about potential spoilers, I'll add another warning:
*****Don't waste your time on this movie!!!!*****
This movie is an hour and a half of highly improbable, if not impossible, issues that occur when the Russians shoot a missile at their own sattelite and it's remnants fly at warp speed around the Earth's atmosphere, destroying everything in its path.
At the beginning of the movie, we are treated to Sir George Clooney's irritable stories and banter between him and NASA. Not only is listening to Clooney's voice frustrating, but the conversations betwixt he and the head honchos in Houston during a space shuttle fix-up are laughable at best.
As you are all aware, I am no fan of George Clooney for several reasons. I'll leave the political reasons out of this and focus on his acting skills (or lack-there-of).
<img src="http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b578/lukusalderman/image_zps3923e0ae.jpg">
Clooney is basically a one-part actor. He plays nearly the same character in every film that he's in. His characters have a smooth talking persona with which he can come across as charasmatic and genius at times, even in the midst of disasters and times of crisis.
It's the way he comes across in real life. He comes across in his interviews as a personable guy you'd love to sit down with and enjoy a nice conversations. He seems like he knows just about everything, and when he doesn't know something, he either makes it up or brushes it off with a laugh and a wink and it's all ok. That basically describes the characters that he has successfully played in his movies.
He is a lot like Tommy Lee Jones in that respect. TLJ is a good actor when he plays himself: A rough, tough, angry old man that doesn't take no crap from anyone.
Jones was fantastic as the hard cowboy/resistant father in Lonesome Dove. He was not much different as his characters in Lincoln, No Country for Old Men, The Fugitive, Captain America, MIB, The Hunted, The Client, etc.
But whenever Lee Jones tried to deviate from that rough, hard character, it ended up in a disaster (like we saw in Batman Forever).
<img src="http://cdn3.whatculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/twoface1.jpg">
That rough tough character that we see TLJ play on screen is basically who he is in real life, according to various first-hand testimonials of people who have had unfortunate encounters with the man.
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/478/992/ef0.gif">
Basically, when you watch Tommy Lee Jones in a movie, you are watching his personality in real life. All the guy has to do is rehearse lines and act like himself in the movie.
Now, don't think I'm saying Tommy Lee Jones and George Clooney are the same. Not in a million years. TLJ's characters actually fit in the movies that he plays in.
In "Gravity", Clooney's character doesn't really fit. In the midst of all of the particles flying around and destroying the US Space Shuttle, Clooney is calm and collected. He rarely raises his voice and doesn't seem to sweat in the heart of all of the danger. He's has the quick thinking of a battle tested five-star general as an astronaut, only he is as calm as a kindergarten teacher (one of the good ones). Instead of doing what a normal person in that situation would do and panic, he is as cool as a cucumber and remains focused on gathering Bullock and getting her to safety.
This brings me to my next point: This movie should have either been over after about 15 minutes, or Clooney's character should have been the one to make it in the end.
Think back (if you've seen this movie), to what originally happened to Bullock when the big disaster first took place. That's right...she was attached to a rotating arm that was spinning after being hit. She was then thrust from the arm and shot into space, spinning uncontrollably over and over again.
So how did she stop...or even slow down? This is the part that makes ZERO sense to me. If she was shot out into space, what would cause Bullock to slow down until good ole George could catch her? Wouldn't she just continue to spin further and further away?
Now let's say somehow it was possible. Am I the only one who is questioning just how much fuel Clooney's jet pack has and how it's possible to get as far as Bullock is, get back, fly around the broken space shuttle, and then miles further to the next space station for help, just enough to run out. Oh, and this is after Clooney was living it up and flying around in that jetpack at the beginning of the film.
Then there's the idea that somehow it is possible to travel and a high rate of speed and grab on to something from a space station/shuttle in order to keep from flying off into space. Maybe it is possible...but certainly not in those huge space suits with the oversized gloves that these astronauts are required to wear. There is no possible way that a hand from these gloves can grip a bar or handle of an object while speeding through space. Impossible for even the strongest and quickest gymnast.
<img src="http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b578/lukusalderman/image_zps52784949.jpg">
As we move through the film, we have to endure the "sad" part of the movie where Clooney releases his teather attached to Bullock so he no longer is pulling her away from the space shuttle. There were two things going on in this scene: Bullock was doing a fantastic job of acting as she struggled with letting go of her only help and confidence. Clooney, in his crappy cool character lets go with very little drama on his part and just floats off. This scene could have been much better if there was some kind of emotion from the male character. Instead of being sad for the loss of a main character, the feeling was indifference. I didn't care. I was actually happier that he was out of the picture so I wouldn't have to listen to him anymore. That scene could have been so much more with a better actor.
Unfortunately for me, Clooney came back with a vengance. When he came back and beat on the hatch window as Bullock was in the middle of euthanising herself, my eyes rolled and both my wife and I just looked at each other and hung our heads in disappointment. As he opened the hatch, I was expecting something like this from Bullock:
<img src="http://0.media.todaysbigthing.cvcdn.com/12/21/ce7df6cdc4adf9417bdb8634fe1766d6.gif">
All we saw was a hand over her face. What? Total Recall taught us that your eyes pop out of your head. We all know that.
But I digress. The stupid imaginary conversation between Clooney and Bullock about how she was forgetting about parts of the ship/shuttle/whatever that she's in was unbelievable at best. Oh there's this one thing that you can do, you just forgot...now wake up!
Chiles, please. First of all, everything in the ship that she's in is in another language that she doesn't know. Second of all, a fake voice inside her head won't be able to tell her jack squat. Chalk this part up as another part where the movie should have been over.
Finally, let's say that Bullock somehow figured out how to shoot through space in that ship, toward the other space station/ship with the escape pod. She gets into the vacinity of the ship and has to find a way to get from her current ship to the pod. Oh, what's this? A fire extenguisher! GOD BE PRAISED! I'm so glad it followed me into this ship from the burning part! I'll use that as a makeshift jetpack to push me from my ship to the spacecraft. Do I need to say more about this highly unbelievable turn of events? After flying uncontrollably through the atmosphere and having no experience on what to do in these events just hours before, all of the sudden she is MacGyver in space and is able to use basic items around her to save her life and propel her toward an object in space. I don't think so.
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/92/MacGyver_intro.jpg">
But can we look past these few factual errors (out of many others, I'm sure) and just say: "it's a good movie...just enjoy it."?
For me, the answer is "no".
I don't see what is so fun about watching a decent acress in Sandra Bullock, who I do think did a good job, run into troubles over and over and over again. It's like watching "Meet the Parents" in space. Something is going wrong all of the time.
And when something finally goes right, you know something is about to go wrong. Heck, when she made it to shore, I was waiting for the indigenous native tribes from whatever land she washed up on to come and start chucking spears and arrows in her general direction.
The whole movie was unbelievable at best and un-fun to watch...from beginning to end.
So if you're looking for a good movie to watch that has to do with space, don't watch this one.
Go pick up "Apollo 13" or "Moon" or "Star Trek" (the newer ones). Heck, I'd even recommend "Stargate" or "Galaxy Quest" or even "Space Jam" over that mess!
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/1/14/Space_jam.jpg/220px-Space_jam.jpg">
But if you do decide to waste an hour and a half of your life on this film, don't expect much.
Gravity.
If we're being technical here, maybe it really should be called "Zero-Gravity"?
I would call it "Disaster In Space".
*****Let me warn you now: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!*****
Now that I've warned you about potential spoilers, I'll add another warning:
*****Don't waste your time on this movie!!!!*****
This movie is an hour and a half of highly improbable, if not impossible, issues that occur when the Russians shoot a missile at their own sattelite and it's remnants fly at warp speed around the Earth's atmosphere, destroying everything in its path.
At the beginning of the movie, we are treated to Sir George Clooney's irritable stories and banter between him and NASA. Not only is listening to Clooney's voice frustrating, but the conversations betwixt he and the head honchos in Houston during a space shuttle fix-up are laughable at best.
As you are all aware, I am no fan of George Clooney for several reasons. I'll leave the political reasons out of this and focus on his acting skills (or lack-there-of).
<img src="http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b578/lukusalderman/image_zps3923e0ae.jpg">
Clooney is basically a one-part actor. He plays nearly the same character in every film that he's in. His characters have a smooth talking persona with which he can come across as charasmatic and genius at times, even in the midst of disasters and times of crisis.
It's the way he comes across in real life. He comes across in his interviews as a personable guy you'd love to sit down with and enjoy a nice conversations. He seems like he knows just about everything, and when he doesn't know something, he either makes it up or brushes it off with a laugh and a wink and it's all ok. That basically describes the characters that he has successfully played in his movies.
He is a lot like Tommy Lee Jones in that respect. TLJ is a good actor when he plays himself: A rough, tough, angry old man that doesn't take no crap from anyone.
Jones was fantastic as the hard cowboy/resistant father in Lonesome Dove. He was not much different as his characters in Lincoln, No Country for Old Men, The Fugitive, Captain America, MIB, The Hunted, The Client, etc.
But whenever Lee Jones tried to deviate from that rough, hard character, it ended up in a disaster (like we saw in Batman Forever).
<img src="http://cdn3.whatculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/twoface1.jpg">
That rough tough character that we see TLJ play on screen is basically who he is in real life, according to various first-hand testimonials of people who have had unfortunate encounters with the man.
<img src="http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/478/992/ef0.gif">
Basically, when you watch Tommy Lee Jones in a movie, you are watching his personality in real life. All the guy has to do is rehearse lines and act like himself in the movie.
Now, don't think I'm saying Tommy Lee Jones and George Clooney are the same. Not in a million years. TLJ's characters actually fit in the movies that he plays in.
In "Gravity", Clooney's character doesn't really fit. In the midst of all of the particles flying around and destroying the US Space Shuttle, Clooney is calm and collected. He rarely raises his voice and doesn't seem to sweat in the heart of all of the danger. He's has the quick thinking of a battle tested five-star general as an astronaut, only he is as calm as a kindergarten teacher (one of the good ones). Instead of doing what a normal person in that situation would do and panic, he is as cool as a cucumber and remains focused on gathering Bullock and getting her to safety.
This brings me to my next point: This movie should have either been over after about 15 minutes, or Clooney's character should have been the one to make it in the end.
Think back (if you've seen this movie), to what originally happened to Bullock when the big disaster first took place. That's right...she was attached to a rotating arm that was spinning after being hit. She was then thrust from the arm and shot into space, spinning uncontrollably over and over again.
So how did she stop...or even slow down? This is the part that makes ZERO sense to me. If she was shot out into space, what would cause Bullock to slow down until good ole George could catch her? Wouldn't she just continue to spin further and further away?
Now let's say somehow it was possible. Am I the only one who is questioning just how much fuel Clooney's jet pack has and how it's possible to get as far as Bullock is, get back, fly around the broken space shuttle, and then miles further to the next space station for help, just enough to run out. Oh, and this is after Clooney was living it up and flying around in that jetpack at the beginning of the film.
Then there's the idea that somehow it is possible to travel and a high rate of speed and grab on to something from a space station/shuttle in order to keep from flying off into space. Maybe it is possible...but certainly not in those huge space suits with the oversized gloves that these astronauts are required to wear. There is no possible way that a hand from these gloves can grip a bar or handle of an object while speeding through space. Impossible for even the strongest and quickest gymnast.
<img src="http://i1292.photobucket.com/albums/b578/lukusalderman/image_zps52784949.jpg">
As we move through the film, we have to endure the "sad" part of the movie where Clooney releases his teather attached to Bullock so he no longer is pulling her away from the space shuttle. There were two things going on in this scene: Bullock was doing a fantastic job of acting as she struggled with letting go of her only help and confidence. Clooney, in his crappy cool character lets go with very little drama on his part and just floats off. This scene could have been much better if there was some kind of emotion from the male character. Instead of being sad for the loss of a main character, the feeling was indifference. I didn't care. I was actually happier that he was out of the picture so I wouldn't have to listen to him anymore. That scene could have been so much more with a better actor.
Unfortunately for me, Clooney came back with a vengance. When he came back and beat on the hatch window as Bullock was in the middle of euthanising herself, my eyes rolled and both my wife and I just looked at each other and hung our heads in disappointment. As he opened the hatch, I was expecting something like this from Bullock:
<img src="http://0.media.todaysbigthing.cvcdn.com/12/21/ce7df6cdc4adf9417bdb8634fe1766d6.gif">
All we saw was a hand over her face. What? Total Recall taught us that your eyes pop out of your head. We all know that.
But I digress. The stupid imaginary conversation between Clooney and Bullock about how she was forgetting about parts of the ship/shuttle/whatever that she's in was unbelievable at best. Oh there's this one thing that you can do, you just forgot...now wake up!
Chiles, please. First of all, everything in the ship that she's in is in another language that she doesn't know. Second of all, a fake voice inside her head won't be able to tell her jack squat. Chalk this part up as another part where the movie should have been over.
Finally, let's say that Bullock somehow figured out how to shoot through space in that ship, toward the other space station/ship with the escape pod. She gets into the vacinity of the ship and has to find a way to get from her current ship to the pod. Oh, what's this? A fire extenguisher! GOD BE PRAISED! I'm so glad it followed me into this ship from the burning part! I'll use that as a makeshift jetpack to push me from my ship to the spacecraft. Do I need to say more about this highly unbelievable turn of events? After flying uncontrollably through the atmosphere and having no experience on what to do in these events just hours before, all of the sudden she is MacGyver in space and is able to use basic items around her to save her life and propel her toward an object in space. I don't think so.
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/92/MacGyver_intro.jpg">
But can we look past these few factual errors (out of many others, I'm sure) and just say: "it's a good movie...just enjoy it."?
For me, the answer is "no".
I don't see what is so fun about watching a decent acress in Sandra Bullock, who I do think did a good job, run into troubles over and over and over again. It's like watching "Meet the Parents" in space. Something is going wrong all of the time.
And when something finally goes right, you know something is about to go wrong. Heck, when she made it to shore, I was waiting for the indigenous native tribes from whatever land she washed up on to come and start chucking spears and arrows in her general direction.
The whole movie was unbelievable at best and un-fun to watch...from beginning to end.
So if you're looking for a good movie to watch that has to do with space, don't watch this one.
Go pick up "Apollo 13" or "Moon" or "Star Trek" (the newer ones). Heck, I'd even recommend "Stargate" or "Galaxy Quest" or even "Space Jam" over that mess!
<img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/1/14/Space_jam.jpg/220px-Space_jam.jpg">
But if you do decide to waste an hour and a half of your life on this film, don't expect much.
