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Biff Johnson

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About Biff Johnson

  • Birthday 05/02/1958

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  1. http://youtu.be/F9J3myskBsE
  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3qS7hKoOR4&feature=share
  3. I want a medal I can wear on my shirt proclaiming that I really have eaten rattlesnake fritters...and I have. It's an extra way to keep unsavory types away from me in Oregon, they'll be too nervous to engage in conversation.
  4. As frightening to the free world as it is, I was actually a mental health counselor for a number of years in a state hospital (free treatment on the side ). It isn't pretty, but this will work for you if you can be alone with her to do it with a perfectly bland face when you do it Next time she gets that urge to splurge, you look her dead in the eyes and say with quiet, whispered intensity like you do with a big secret: "You know, they didn't keep me there for years because I saw things, but because I didn't. I'm still convinced it was my research into proving that penguins can speak English that got me here. Penguins are shifty with it and you actually have to catch them at it on a reliable visual recording device. I never could alone, but now, with a person they recognize as sane the Penguins will trust and the authorities will believe me....we can do this! Have you been to Antarctica? No? Hey, it's worth the job,career and institutional commitment...this will be my third time with shocks and drugs, but it will be nice to have company." And when she freaks out and calls someone, you just shake your head sadly and ask them, "Is this the drinking again, or is it the crack thing, this time.?" It will only take you about 30 seconds and she'll leave you be after that, I expect.
  5. No, but I'm on it, amigo.
  6. Mine just says, 'Lot's loser!!!' Seriously, how many do we have to collect before we can trade them for cool amusing things like: Lots of beer, or a telescope, or maybe a camel to turn loose in my neighbor's yard when he keeps making sure his dog doesn't dirty his yard by taking him out for a walk and 'accidentally' letting him crap in mine and then 'forgetting' to pick it up?
  7. You might say, "My wife doesn't really does't want me talking to strange women, even if I've worked with them a long time." Trying budreaueye's method on the wife, though...I'm afraid my missus might misinterpret and teach a grandson to play T-ball by showing him how you hit the ball, only her bat is a rolling pin and the T-ball stand is me, the ball my head. She never has, but she's a Texas girl so that option is always going to be on the table.
  8. I see three members, one guest, and although I am not a mod, I am somewhat modern, at least the portions not Neanderthal and Sasquatch.
  9. sirhornsalot, I hope this circus will teach you to superglue the thing to him, next time.

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