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Bowl Guide, Part 2 (Dec 30th through Championship Game)


Matt Cotcher
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in Texas Longhorns Football By Matt Cotcher   social_twitter.png @mlcotcher
 

Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl
Notre Dame vs. LSU 
Where: Nashville, TN - LP Field
When: Dec. 30, 3 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: LSU -7.5
Watchability Rating: Brian Kelly tries to make everyone forget that any solid team mudholes the Irish. With a very average LSU team in Nashville, Kelly has a fighting chance. This is must-see TV.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œOMG! Catholics and Cajuns are fighting on the mean streets of Nashville!”
Kindergartener analysis: Tiger vs the guy on my cereal box that makes me laugh. I hope cereal guy doesn’t get hurt too bad.


Belk Bowl
Georgia vs. Louisville 
Where: Charlotte, NC - Bank of America Stadium
When: Dec. 30, 6:30 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: UGA -7
Watchability Rating: National perception is that this is a game between a school that underachieves and a school that overachieves. Send the in-laws to Belk so you can watch in peace. Hooray for sponsors!
How to get your wife to watch: She’s with your in-laws at Belk. She has your credit card. It’s worth it.
Kindergartener analysis: I’ve never seen a bird with teeth. That’s dumb. I like Dawgs.


Foster Farms Bowl
Maryland vs. Stanford 
Where: Santa Clara, CA - Levi's Stadium
When: Dec. 30, 10 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Stanford -14.5
Watchability Rating: It’s late. Tomorrow is new year’s eve. Save it for one that matters.
How to get your wife to watch: (act interested!) “Honey, show me what you bought at Belk today. Again.”
Kindergartener analysis: Turtles against Trees. That’s boring. No one gets hurt.


Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl
No. 9 Ole Miss vs. No. 6 TCU 
Where: Atlanta, GA - Georgia Dome
When: Dec. 31, 12:30 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: TCU -3
Watchability Rating: This is why you skipped the game last night.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œLet’s pretend like we’re in college and pre-party for New Year’s eve with a couple of pitchers at lunch.”
Kindergartener analysis: An old man against a frog with spikes. Cool!


VIZIO Fiesta Bowl
No. 20 Boise State vs. No. 10 Arizona 
Where: Glendale, AZ - University of Phoenix Stadium
When: Dec. 31, 4 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Arizona -3
Watchability Rating: Pick and choose your battles wisely…the first and third games today matter, this one doesn’t.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œLet’s practice our midnight kiss.” (Level Up! Add 3 Wisdom points.)
Kindergartener analysis: Mean horses versus wild cats…wait, didn’t we already do this one?


Capital One Orange Bowl
No. 7 Mississippi State vs. No. 12 Georgia Tech 
Where: Miami Gardens, FL - Sun Life Stadium
When: Dec. 31, 8 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Mississippi State -7
Watchability Rating: Promise whatever you need to in order not to miss this…especially for the masquerade party at Jeff & Susie’s house.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œTrust me – we’ll be fashionably late and make an awesome entrance at 11:30.”
Kindergartener analysis: How many bees are there? I hope not too many, because I like dogs.


Outback Bowl
Auburn vs. Wisconsin 
Where: Tampa, FL - Raymond James Stadium
When: Jan. 1, Noon
Network: ESPN2
Vegas line: Auburn -5.5
Watchability Rating: This is on the Deuce at Noon on purpose. Nurse your hangover and take your wife to brunch. Eat grease, drink coffee and knock back a few Bloody Marys. Just make sure you’re home at 12:30.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œWhat’s the name of that brunch place you’ve been wanting to go to?”
Kindergartener analysis: Remember that time you showed me the video of the crazy nastyass honey badger? Don’t worry, I didn’t tell Mom. Is this one like that? No? Then the Tiger wins.


Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic
No. 8 Michigan State vs. No. 5 Baylor 
Where: Arlington, TX - AT&T Stadium
When: Jan. 1, 12:30 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Baylor -3
Watchability Rating: Drink an extra cup of coffee at brunch so you don’t fall asleep, but don’t overdo it. No one likes the rumbles while you’re trying to watch the game.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œI had so much fun last night, but it was a late one for sure. Why don’t you stretch out and relax?”
Kindergartener analysis: I was gonna say bears, but that warrior has armor and a sword. This is gonna be awesome!


Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl
Missouri vs. Minnesota
Where: Orlando, FL - Florida Citrus Bowl
When: Jan. 1, 1 p.m.
Network: ABC
Vegas line: Missouri -5.5
Watchability Rating: Yes, Missouri and Minnesota are really playing on New Year’s Day, but don’t sweat it. The Cotton Bowl is on.
How to get your wife to watch: Shut up! She’s snoozing.
Kindergartener analysis: How come everybody wants to be a Tiger? Can I be a Tiger for Halloween? I don’t even know what a gopher is. Is that what they feed tigers at the zoo?


Rose Bowl Game Presented By Northwestern Mutual
College Football Playoff Semifinal
No. 2 Oregon vs. No. 3 Florida State 
Where: Pasadena, CA - Rose Bowl
When: Jan. 1, 5 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Oregon -9.5
Watchability Rating: It’s the first-ever Division I college football playoff game – you should have a cooler beside you, five times the amount of snacks that can eat in a sitting, and a catheter in at this point.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œMore than half a million roses are used in the Rose Parade. Roses remind me of our wedding day.”
Kindergartener analysis: Do you think the indian will throw his flaming spear at the duck? That would be awesome.


Allstate Sugar Bowl
College Football Playoff Semifinal
No. 1 Alabama vs. No. 4 Ohio State 
Where: New Orleans, LA - Mercedes-Benz Superdome
When: Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Alabama -10
Watchability Rating: If you need this document to convince you to watch, then I don’t even know why you’re reading this.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œThe same day we do Café du Monde we should eat dinner at Antoine’s. Have I ever told you that I daydream about us living in a Victorian mansion on St. Charles Avenue?”
Kindergartener analysis: Why does Alabama need two mascots if they’re the number one team? What does insecure mean? Isn’t that what you say about Uncle Rick? Wait……the other team’s mascot is a NUT?


Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl
Houston vs. Pittsburgh 
Where: Fort Worth, TX - Amon G. Carter Stadium
When: Jan. 2, Noon
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Pitt -3
Watchability Rating: If you planned well, you have today off. Don’t waste part of a vacation day watching this game.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œThe Armed Forces Bowl is on! I think we should bunker down in bed. It’s the only appropriate way for us to acknowledge the game.”
Kindergartener analysis: Cougars vs Panthers AND armed forces….wait, where are you and Mom going?


TaxSlayer Bowl
Iowa vs. Tennessee 
Where: Jacksonville, FL – EverBank Field
When: Jan. 2, 3:20 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Tennessee -3.5
Watchability Rating: Tennessee’s defense is horrific, but Iowa will throw horizontally all afternoon. Watch. Remember. Enjoy – it’s someone else’s problem now.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œAs much as you like John Denver, you need to sit down. You’re in for a real treat…”
Kindergartener analysis: Another dumb bird against a school with 2 mascots. Look! That dog is howling! He’s cool.


Valero Alamo Bowl
Kansas State vs. UCLA 
Where: San Antonio, TX – Alamodome
When: Jan. 2, 6:45 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: KSU -2
Watchability Rating: This game is hugely important to both teams, and their conferences. Plus it’s easily the best post-NYD bowl.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œHoney, they just showed this thing called the River Walk on tv. They’re still talking about it. It looks romantic. We should go.”
Kindergartener analysis: Dad, why do the UCLA cheerleaders make me feel funny?


TicketCity Cactus Bowl
Washington vs. Oklahoma State
Where: Tempe, AZ – Sun Devil Stadium
When: Jan. 2, 10:15 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Washington -4.5
Watchability Rating: There are only 3 games left after this one. Drink a Red Bull with vodka and stay up. I repeat…there are only 3 games left after this one.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œLook at the OSU coach…his hair is impeccable.”
Kindergartener analysis: Cowboys with guns against dogs? I don’t like this game anymore.


Birmingham Bowl
East Carolina vs. Florida
Where: Birmingham, AL – Legion Field
When: Jan. 3, 1 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Florida -7
Watchability Rating: You don’t even get treated to Muschamp acting like an ass on the sidelines. Florida is hellabad. East Carolina is…..East Carolina. Say it with me, “Only two games left until the offseason.”
How to get your wife to watch: Don’t even bother. The teams are bad, and you’re in a terrible mood. Wallow in self-pity about the end of the season and don’t subject her to it.
Kindergartener analysis: Pirates and alligators?!?! COOL!


GoDaddy Bowl
Toledo vs. Arkansas State 
Where: Mobile, AL – Ladd-Peebles Stadium
When: January 4, 9 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Vegas line: Toledo -2.5
Watchability Rating: GoDaddy commercials are so hilariously bad, they’re good. Snooze through this game in tribute to the regular season.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œThere’s only a week left until the championship game. If you need to skip watching this game so you can plan the menu and write a grocery list for the championship, that’s totally fine. Wait? What did I say wrong? Where are you going?!?”
Kindergartener analysis: Red wolves sound mean, but it’s rockets. Even if they aren’t the cool exploding kind of rockets, they’re still gonna kill wolves.


CFP NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME PRES. BY AT&T
TBD vs. TBD
Where: Arlington, TX - AT&T Stadium
When: Jan. 12, 8:30 p.m.
Network: ESPN
Watchability Rating: Tomorrow it’s honey-do season. Bask in tonight’s gloriousness. Savor it.
How to get your wife to watch: â€œI am not crying. I just wish they’d stop mentioning that this is the last game……Hold me.”
Kindergartener analysis: I’m glad the nuts lost already. That’s the worst mascot in, like, ever.

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