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In light of the Baylor debacle, how many of you....

doc longhorn

V.I.P.
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Nov 13, 2013
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....maintain influence and/or authority over your children?  I started this thread because a mod from another site said very few parents do.

His response was to a comment wondering how many parents would allow their recruited child/daughter to attend Baylor - now that safety is an issue with that institution?

In my own case, I allowed my daughter to attend A&M because it had the best vet school - which is what she wanted to be.  I tried, mightily, to influence her to go into the HUMAN medical profession, but she had her mind set (since she was 10).  And she is her mothers daughter.

So, I admit to being old school - whereby the parents are the final authority regarding their children.  But, then again, I thought "hook up" meant having a fish on line.  What do I know.

 
....maintain influence and/or authority over your children?  I started this thread because a mod from another site said very few parents do.

His response was to a comment wondering how many parents would allow their recruited child/daughter to attend Baylor - now that safety is an issue with that institution?

In my own case, I allowed my daughter to attend A&M because it had the best vet school - which is what she wanted to be.  I tried, mightily, to influence her to go into the HUMAN medical profession, but she had her mind set (since she was 10).  And she is her mothers daughter.

So, I admit to being old school - whereby the parents are the final authority regarding their children.  But, then again, I thought "hook up" meant having a fish on line.  What do I know.
When children get to be college age, the best any parent can do is influence them to make proper choices. If a parent has not given a kid the basis upon which to make good judgments by then, it is too late.

My daughter also attended A&M after having grown up spending a lot of time on the UT campus. She also spent a lot of time while growing up on our small "ranch" in west Texas. She and I spent many Springs and Summers wandering around the canyon identifying wildflowers, and I still have somewhere a large stack of pressed flowers that we preserved over the years. We also had a large garden and did a lot of canning.

So she decided she wanted to grow flowers. Texas had nothing to offer in that regard. We looked elsewhere, but she really liked A&M. For her, so did I. She graduated in December of 1999 with a degree in Floriculture. She got a great education at A&M, and has always been employed since she graduated.

She spent 10 years as the head grower at a unit of a large greenhouse operation. Her unit had 800,000 sq. ft. of growing space. Now she is coordinator of planning and production for the entire operation, which has 7 such units in addition to a number of other contract growers.

She also has a small farm in rural Johnson County with 3 cows at present. I would say she is very successful.

I am very proud of her and the choices she has made. And they were her choices, not mine.

 
When children get to be college age, the best any parent can do is influence them to make proper choices. If a parent has not given a kid the basis upon which to make good judgments by then, it is too late.
Very well stated sir.

You groom your kid(s) to make the best decisions based on their needs, not yours. Sure I guided my kids but I also let my kids make small mistakes so they could learn. I always told them "experience" means you tried something, failed but learned from it. Failing is not always bad but failing to learn from it is.

 
Just told the two daughters I have left at home they can't go to Baylor. My other daughter just married a Baylor grad. Thank goodness one of my twin girls wants to go to UT and become a pharmacist, the other doesn't have a clue. She will probably go to Blinn because of where we live and she might go to atm

 
I keep checking back waiting for the parent that says 'I sucked and my kids are all fvcked up'

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I believe a big part of college violence against women is alcohol and hard drug related. I would  guide a daughter on safety as far as what school is in a safe area and if that school  has a lower rate of binge drinking. My other advice is stay from the party drinking scene.

Binge Drinking, Rape Are Related

Binge drinking and rape seem to go hand-in-hand on U.S. college campuses.

A new study has found colleges and universities with higher rates of binge drinking also have more rapes. In addition, nearly three-quarters of rape victims reported being intoxicated at the time of the attack.

"Women need to be alerted to dangerous situations where there's a lot of drinking and men need to be alerted to the fact that having sexual relations with a woman who is intoxicated is rape," study co-author Henry Wechsler, director of College Alcohol Studies at the Harvard School of Public Health in Boston, told CBS Radio News.

Binge drinking is indisputably a major problem on most college campuses, as is rape. Previous research has indicated alcohol is associated with at least half of sexual assaults on female college students.

"Most colleges by now are aware of the problem of binge drinking, but some do more about it than others, and some are more serious in taking a stand about it than others are," said Wechsler.

The current study analyzed data compiled from 119 U.S. colleges and universities participating in three Harvard School of Public Health College Alcohol Study surveys over three years. In total, the surveys involved almost 24,000 women.

Binge drinking was defined as consuming five or more drinks in a row for men and four or more drinks in a row for women at least once in the past two weeks.

"That kind of drinking is quite prevalent," Wechsler said. "About 44 percent of college students can be classified as binge drinkers in our national study."

A school's binge drinking rate was the percentage of students classified as binge or heavy episodic drinkers. High heavy episodic binge drinking schools had more than 50 percent of students in this category; medium heavy had 36 percent to 50 percent of students in this category; and low had 0 to 35 percent classified as binge drinkers.

Almost one in 20 (4.7 percent) of women reported being raped, and 72 percent of the victims reported being intoxicated while being raped.

Women who attended schools with high and medium heavy episodic drinking rates had, respectively, 1.8-fold and 1.5-fold increased odds of being raped while intoxicated compared to women at schools with low rates.

Women at rural schools were 1.3 times as likely to be raped while intoxicated compared to those in non-rural schools. Students from the South and North Central regions of the country were, respectively, 1.3 and 1.4 times likelier to be raped while intoxicated compared to students from the West.

In addition, women who were under 21, lived in sorority houses, used illicit drugs and drank heavily in high school had a higher risk of being raped while intoxicated.

"I think it's very important to do the education about alcohol consumption, together with education about rape, since such a large proportion of rapes are connected to drinking," Wechsler said.

"Alcohol and drugs dis-inhibit people," said Paul Rinaldi, associate director of the Addiction Institute of New York City. "In a lot of these young women, their judgment is impaired. Their radar is clouded with alcohol. When they're clearheaded, they might say, 'This guy is not someone I want to be alone with.'"

That's not to say the victim is to blame, Rinaldi stressed.

Rape victim advocates were critical of the findings, which appeared in a recent issue of the Journal of Studies on Alcohol.

"Binge drinking is unhealthy. No one questions that, but putting the blame for rape on alcohol is an excuse. In reality, the decision of the attacker to commit rape is the only cause of that crime," said Jamie Zuieback, a spokeswoman for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network in Washington, D.C.

"We've worked very hard to foster a simple, undisputable understanding that rapists alone are responsible for this decision to commit this heinous crime. I think that this kind of study can be very harmful to that message. This is a crime. It's criminal behavior, period."

The study authors deny they have done this. What's more, Wechsler and his colleagues are hoping the findings will be used to ramp up college prevention programs.

"Most efforts around drinking are tied to automobile fatalities, and people are generally aware of this connection," Wechsler said. "In the public, there's less of a realization of the relationship of heavy alcohol use to rape."

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/binge-drinking-rape-are-related/

 
IMO, the choice of where to go to college is not for the parents to decide. Life is full of choices and if you can't let your son/daughter make this one, YOU have a problem. Having said that, my daughter was all set on Parson School of Design, which is about $50 a semester cheaper than Harvard. I gave her my two cents worth, that she'd be better off taking the foundation classes at a state school in Texas before heading to NYC - thus saving her civil servant father a boatload of money I don't have. I let her have her way and my entire college savings for her was gone within a year. 

 
IMO, the choice of where to go to college is not for the parents to decide. Life is full of choices and if you can't let your son/daughter make this one, YOU have a problem. Having said that, my daughter was all set on Parson School of Design, which is about $50 a semester cheaper than Harvard. I gave her my two cents worth, that she'd be better off taking the foundation classes at a state school in Texas before heading to NYC - thus saving her civil servant father a boatload of money I don't have. I let her have her way and my entire college savings for her was gone within a year. 
LOL!  You kind of gave a reason WHY you should make the decisions for your daughter.

Here is the way I actually did it with my daughter.  I told her to list 4 or 5 colleges she would be interested in and we, as a family, would discuss the pros and cons of each.  In addition, we would advise her of the ability that her mother and I had to finance the college she chose.  We, also, asked her to list all of the things she desired from the college of her choice.  She was fortunate that her parents had the where withall to allow her to considers these options.

I grew up in Austin as a lower middle class kid..  So my decision was financially made for me.  The only school my parents could afford was UT and that was with a few academic schollies I was fortunate to receive.  And it allowed me to live at home for the first year.

I disagree that the choice of where to go to school is not for the parents to decide.  It is assumed that parents have more maturity and wisdom than a 17 or 18 year old kid.  Especially about something as life changing as a university life style.  Of course, I admit this is more critical for a young girl than a boy.

 
I still think parents need to treat sons and daughters as adults in this. My daughter now has no doubt what a cold, cruel world she has entered. In the long run, she will benefit from having made her own choices for her life and seen first hand what consequences are. 

 
I still think parents need to treat sons and daughters as adults in this.
Agree with this somewhat but however this is what I did. I told them I have this much budgeted for you to spend for your college. Any amount over that is your dime. If you fail a class, you pay to take it again, not me. I also told them there are specifics rules they have to follow until they are financially independent. If you wish to ignore these rules, you can but with consequences. I told them that to look at me as an employer. If your company mandates you do certain things, you either do them or you quit. If you do wish to listen to us, you can quit however I don't give out severance pay. Their choice, they are free to do what they wish.

We've had our bumps on the road but so far so good.

 
I think people judging parenting skills of others is risky business.
I'm not judging, apologize if I came off that way. Everyone is different, even my 2 kids are and both grew up under the same roof. My method works for us but I admit it may not work for others.

 
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