Going to leave this here:
Running Running Running
APRIL 12, 2016 MARIAHCHANTALLEAVE A COMMENT
I don’t have regrets. None at all.
Yes, there are decisions I made or words I spoke or emotions I harbored that, when ruminated upon, eat at me a bit. Past choices that might elicit a cringe…an “oops, that wasn’t optimal†or even a “wow, that was downright awful.†But I don’t have regrets. Because every single moment through which I’ve lived has brought me to Mariah circa 2016. Shared smiles, deep-bellied and unsolicited laughs, meaningful conversations, sky-scraping successes. Dark nights, colorless depressions, perceived failures, searing heartbreaks. All of it.
These experiences have coalesced and collapsed into my being, free-falling into and around me and ultimately creating ‘Mariah.’ And I love Mariah, in spite of and because of her past. And I love Mariah because she has a future, a destiny to greet. She has so many more decisions to make and words to speak and emotions to harbor and the years before her tumble on and on and on.
I think it is for this reason, this brilliantly gleaming ‘tomorrow’ of mine, that I’ve had such a hard time with UT student Haruka Weiser’s passing. As many of you may know, Haruka was senselessly murdered on campus Sunday April 3rd. Her brilliantly gleaming ‘tomorrow’ was erased; her dreams, plans, and trepidations alike voided. Despite having never met Haruka, sadness has recently draped heavy and solemn across my psyche. Sadness for her stolen existence, her family, friends, and for all other lives taken too soon. I just can’t stop brooding.
What fear must she have felt? Did she know, precisely, what was happening? For how long did she lay in Waller Creek, bleeding and broken, before Death’s hushed fingers finally peeled soul from body? Why? Why?
That poor, poor girl.
I’m sure the UT community will feel this tragedy’s aftershocks for quite some time; such unwarranted and heinous violence is not easily forgotten. Or forgiven. But we must continue our own every day existences…because there in no other way to proceed. Loss has a constricting quality to it, a feel of tight claustrophobic insurmountability.
And this is why we must hug our loved ones, squeeze them because we can’t imagine a world in which they don’t exist. This is why we must be active participants within our lives. This is why we must connect to others; weave around ourselves a vivid, caring, and compassionate community. This is why we must keep running running running into the unknown. Not because we want to escape the fear or the darkness or the incomprehensible. But because running keeps us free, progressing, and purposeful.
Let’s run for Haruka.
RIP.
RIP Haruka Weiser
https://mariahchantal.wordpress.com/2016/04/12/running-running-running/