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Sirhornsalot

The Dead Period Hang Out

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We've just crossed into the hottest, most barren part of the off-season desert. And recruiting will slow to a trickle on news because, well, it's the dead period.

So here we go, just random stuff.

So there's this widow who has two young boys. She can't control them and there's no "enforcer" father figure around. Their main problem is their cussing. They cuss all the time. 

Feeling bad for the lady, the local pastor swings by her place and invites her to service the coming Sunday. She accepts and agrees to come.

They go to service, enjoy the sermon and as she's walking out, the pastor shakes her hand and invites himself to her place and breakfast the following day.

Hesitantly, she agrees. Immediately she loads the boys into the car and issues life threats for the following day. "If either of you say one cuss word in front of this pastor tomorrow morning, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week," she said.

So the next day comes and the pastor arrives. He is seated at the table and the boys join with him. Mom pops out of the kitchen to ask the boys what kind of cereal they want.

"I want some of them damned Wheaties, mom."

"POW" goes his head as mom smacked him a good one, putting him on the floor.

She then looks at the other boy and says "well, what cereal do you want?"

He peers down at his brother, still on the floor and says "I don't know, but you can bet your sweet ass I don't want no damned Wheaties."

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....so this guy walks into a bar and asks...want to hear an aggy joke? This other guy stands up and says...yeah, but before you tell that joke you ought to know that the man next to you at 6'2" and 225 went to aTm. The man next to him is 6'4" and weighs 245 and he went to aTm.....The man behind you is 6'6" and weighs 275 and he went to aTm also. Now do you still want to tell that aggy joke?   The guys says I guess not. I would have to explain it 3 times.

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Elsewhere, Michigan landed 3-star athlete Joey Velazquez. He was previously an Ohio State commit.

LSU landed 4-star QB Peter Parrish from Alabama. He is considered a dual-threat QB. 

Free Shoes U received a commitment from 4-star DE Curtis Fans. Fans is from Georgia.

Auburn scored a commitment from 4-star Dashawn Sheffield.

Thought for the day . . . aggy has more 5-star commits right now (2) than Alabama (1). Georgia has three, LSU has two.

 

I saw a list of schools with the most offers today. Texas was well down the list with 160 or so offers I think.

Of course, aggy was higher because they hand out offers like its halloween. But who leads the nation in offers given so far?

Scott Frost and Nebraska, with 400 offers given out so far.

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.....so this olf farmer is sitting on his front poarch rocking back and forth when a bright red Corvette convertable comes driving up. This Hollywood "pretty boy" gets out complete with sun glasses, flashing smile and Hawaiian shirt and says   "hey old timer... is this your place?...The farmer say yep so the guy asks...."I was driving by and noticed you had a field of sun flowers. Mind if I go out there and work on my tan?"...The farmer says go ahead....about 15 minutes later the guy comes back glowing with a George Hamilton tan. The farmer just looks at him. Then the guys says...." while I was out there sunning i noticed you had a bunch of milk weed. Mind if I go get some milk?"....The farmer says go ahead. In about 15 minutes the guy comes back with 2 buckets of ice cold milk. The farmer just looks at him....Then the guy says..." while I was getting that milk I noticed you had a tank than has pussy willows growing around it. The farmer jumps straight up and says,,," just hold on now! I'll get my hat and go with you......"

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Aggy has been lost, without food or water, in a Navasota pasture for 6 days.  He is crawling on the ground when he comes upon a flock of sheep and an aggy sheepherder.  He promptly begs the herder for some water which the herder gives him from his canteen.  After the aggy slacks his thirst he says to the aggy herder "Sir, I haven't had sex in months, would you care if I partook of one of your sheep?"  Herder says sure, but the aggy askes him to please not laugh and the herder agreed.  The poor aggy selects a ewe and mounts her forthwith.  At which the aggy herder started laughing uproariously.  the aggy jumps off the sheep totally embarrassed and told the herder "I thought you weren't going to laugh?"  At which the herder replied, "Yeah, but I didn't think you would pick the ugliest one.".

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I had one of the old aggy joke books when I was a kid and thought it was hilarious!!  here are the only four that I can remember...they're not the funniest from the book but I couldn't stop laughing when I was 10.

Did you hear about the aggy who picked his nose so much that his head caved in?

How do you break an aggy's finger?  Punch him in the nose

Did you hear about the aggy who drank so much Fresca he snowed in his pants?

Did you hear about the aggy glowworm who made love to the lit end of a cigarette?

 

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I am so loving this dead period. Dead is right.

I've read my DCTF twice now. I hate who is on the cover but understand there would have been a revolt if he wasn't. Otherwise, it was another outstanding effort by that staff. 

It will be all downhill once August gets here.

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this guy walks up to the golf pro and says he has a tee time in 20 min. and he doesnt want a cart. He doesnt see well so he wants the caddy with the best eye sight.

When he walks up to the first tee there is an 85 year old man with his clubs. He asks what the guy is doing , he says he is his caddy. The guy looks him over and asks ..." how is your eye sight"?....the geezer says...20 - 20....the guy says ok...

 

He hits his drive...a mighty whack....he turns to the caddy and asks..."did you see where it went?"....Old guy says yep....the guy says where is it?....Old guy says..."I dont remember"

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21 hours ago, Sirhornsalot said:

I am so loving this dead period. Dead is right.

I've read my DCTF twice now. I hate who is on the cover but understand there would have been a revolt if he wasn't. Otherwise, it was another outstanding effort by that staff. 

It will be all downhill once August gets here.

At least you have a copy. I can't find one anywhere here in Fbg.:(

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2 hours ago, Baron said:

At least you have a copy. I can't find one anywhere here in Fbg.:(

I had to buy that "insider" thing at DCTF's website. It was $20 and I get this mag and the one they put out in January. I had my copy about four days after I subscribed.

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